Updated: Mar 5
So you’ve got a case of the Lindy bug?
Some bugs are great to catch!
There are an estimated 120,000 cases of Lindy bug in the world, and it’s steadily growing.
Symptoms include obsessively swing dancing every night of the week, dressing in vintage clothing, and saying no to friends when they ask you to non-dancing activities.
Some bugs are bad to catch however, such as the Corona bug.
The Corona bug was so named because thinking about it causes you to start drinking Corona beer. Currently there have been 89,000 cases, and it too is steadily growing bigger. Symptoms may include high fever, dry cough, and buying stupendous amounts of toilet paper that will feed a burgeoning population of moths long before you put paper to bum.
The Corona bug has killed 3000 people worldwide, while the Lindy bug has killed 0 people. This zero fatality rate is attributable to the fact that Lindy Hoppers never die, they just swing out.
A common bug co-occurring with the Lindy bug is the Travel bug.
The Travel bug is an actual bug that seems to favour the taste of Lindy Hoppers. No one has yet seen this bug, but everyone agrees that it exists. One bite and the person develops a fever called Wanderlust.
Symptoms include the obsessive need to travel and experience new places around the world, and to forlornly tell everyone in your hometown how sad you are when you're not travelling.
The Travel bug seems to mostly be harmless, causing great damage only to a person’s pockets, which develop holes allowing money to fall out.
People infected by both the Lindy and Travel bug love to dance around the world and share their bug at Lindy Hop parties. This is a similar concept to ‘chickenpox parties’ where parents would intentionally spread the desired disease to their children by sticking the children all in one room and laughing evilly.
Experts currently fear what’s being called the bug-trifecta.
Experts warn a perfect storm is brewing with the mixture of the Lindy bug, the Travel bug, and the Corona bug. Symptoms of both the Lindy bug and Travel bug include the desire to be awkwardly close to other people and touch a lot, which assists the spread of the Corona bug.
Experts are recommending that people stay indoors and have virtual dance parties instead. This suits most people, as most people only have virtual friends anyway.
People have already taken to virtual dance parties with great enthusiasm. Zeng Weiming posted this video and it went viral, saving himself from going viral with the Corona bug.
Experts also recommend washing your hands regularly while singing Bohemian Rhapsody. The first two verses should do it, if not the entire song. This would also help reduce the incidence of terrible karaoke when someone inevitably chooses Bohemian Rhapsody.
Experts are hopeful that the Corona bug will be cured soon, allowing stocks of toilet paper to replenish once again. As a back-up plan, toilet paper companies are in the early stages of designing virtual toilet paper.
They hope this will one day take over from real toilet paper permanently, so people never again have to run out of toilet paper during a global pandemic.
And one for the anime fans ...
Azza is a lifelong swing dancer, the founder of Swingtopia Dance in Perth, Western Australia, and a lover of Bubble Tea. Sign in to comment below, or send your thoughts to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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